How The Heart Breaks
by 6275mystic
Summary: Erebor is in the hands of Thorin once again, he is affected by the gold sickness. Bilbo saw the changes in his mate, but how will he react when Thorin says he no longer loves him? Years later someone comes to visit Bilbo at Bag End and wants him to return to Erebor. Can he forgive the mistakes of the past? Please read and find out what's in store for this poor hobbit!
1. Pain

**A/N: Quick note before the story. This is a rated M for Mature and eventually will have sexual content. If you are not eighteen you have been warned. I will put up a warning before the chapter(s) in which there is going to be sexual content if you choose to skim or skip over it. Also, this is going to be super angsty and what not so make sure that if you don't want your heart strings pulled on you might not want to read. Anyway, onward to the story!**

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Chapter 1: Pain

Bilbo's hand clenched his shirt in the place right over his heart. His stuttering, dying heart. He had just heard the words he was afraid of hearing since the moment he saw Thorin look upon that pile of gold. The gold that had cursed Thorin's forefathers, and driven his grandfather mad. The gold that now possessed the heart of the only person he ever loved. The words reeled inside Bilbo's head, playing over and over… _"I never loved you." _

His fist somehow clenched tighter, as though somehow it would make the pain he felt disappear. His breath quickened, his head felt light and the lights in the room began to dim. The face of the man he loved became fuzzy in front of him and his knees finally gave out. As soon as he hit the stone floor, Bilbo fell into a blissful unconsciousness.

What felt like hours later, Bilbo's eyes cracked open, his mind tried to recall how he ended up his chambers…. his and Thorin's…. Thorin! Tears pricked behind his eyes while the pain in his chest again grew heavy with grief, spreading through his entire body, making him unable to move. How could he be so stupid?! How could he ever believe that anyone, especially a _king_, could truly love him?

Hobbits loved once in a lifetime and now his life was forfeit. Hobbits lived for their mates, if they didn't have one, and were of age, they were always searching for the one that would bring them endless joy. If a hobbit lost its love they wouldn't be able to find a new one, their life would be empty and unfulfilling for the rest of the time they spent on earth. As for Bilbo, he felt like he couldn't go on knowing that he was totally and wholly unwanted by the one person he had ever given his heart to. Then, the tears flowed, and like a flood gate being opened Bilbo's face was covered by water as sobs wracked his tiny frame. He curled in on himself trying to shield his heart from more pain that Thorin may want to cause it with his twisted words of love and deceit.

"What do you want me to do Balin?!"

Bilbo overheard the voice coming from the study connected to his chambers. He scooted closer to the door and tried to listen to what they were saying.

"I want you to take back what you said! You know what happens when a dwarf pushes away their One–"

"He is not my One!" the first voice growled. _Thorin…_ Bilbo struggled to keep the tears from coming back.

"Thorin! You can't speak like that; you know he is your One. The gold sickness has blinded you to your feelings."

"I am the same as I was before I entered this mountain, Balin."

"You may think so, but that hobbit in there proves how much you have changed. The Thorin I know would have never said those things to Bilbo. The Thorin I know would be in there right now comforting him."

"No, Balin, the Thorin you know is no longer in love with that worthless creature in there."

"You know as well as I do, dwarves do not just fall out of love, especially with the way you loved him. Get away from this mountain for a while. Go and clear your head before this damned gold gets you killed like your grandfather."

"This is MY home, this is MY Mountain, and it is MY gold, if any one should be leaving it is that damnable hobbit. He doesn't belong here; he never belonged on this journey in the first place."

"Do not speak in such arrogant and foolish ways; Bilbo Baggins has helped us more than any dwarf was willing to from the Iron Hills or within our own people. He is not even a dwarf and he came with us, to help us gain back what we lost. Without him we wouldn't have this mountain, we wouldn't even have the Arkenstone. So, don't you dare say that he does not belong here!"

"Do not speak of my own kin. I know what they have done and they will be justly punished for it. They called my quest a foolish errand; I will not be so quick to forgive."

"This must be what your father felt like when your grandfather fell to the sickness. You are letting yourself fall prey to that accursed gold. I know you are stronger than this Thorin, but you are proving otherwise over and over again."

"It is not the gold, Balin."

"Then what is it? How can you tell me it isn't when you do nothing but scorn the ones you love and keep company in the vaults nearly all day. You are obsessed and if losing Bilbo will not make you see truth then I have nothing more to say to you."

"Good, because I tire of this insignificant argument. The hobbit is no longer my concern, if he chooses to stay then so be it. He will no longer be taking up space in my living quarters so once he has awoken move him to his own chambers."

Bilbo couldn't take it anymore he broke down again, unable to contain his pain. He choked back a sob and ran out of the room and down the hallway. Choosing a random room as far away from Thorin's as he could get, he entered and flopped onto the bed. He lashed out in anger, feeling so helpless, unable to fix his love. He beat the pillows with his fists, he screamed and cried and tried to understand when it all changed. He couldn't continue on like he was for very long before the weight of everything came crashing down again. He passed out on the bed.

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**All right everybody that's it for chapter 1! Thank you so much for reading and give me strength to write the next chapter quickly by sending me a review! Until next time,**

**Mystic**


	2. Separation

**A/N: Hey guys! I want to thank every body who favorited and followed me and my story, and especially animegurl4321 and an anonymous reviewer! Thank you so much agan, no on to the story!**

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Chapter 2: Separation

It had been four years since the time Bilbo left Erebor. Since then he had been working to live a full life by himself. Gardening, talking to neighbors, and trying to make new friends to drink with. Hi friend never knew what happened when the door closed for the final time after going out for drinks at the pub, he would mope to the cupboard and drag out a bottle of elvish wine. He drank as much as he felt would get him through the night without dreaming. This is the way it had been for so long Bilbo almost forgot why he was doing it. But then he would remember the pain he felt on the days he didn't do his routine, and he would do it the next day more fervently.

This was one of the days he wanted to remember. This was a day where Bilbo wanted to feel alive, it would be the last time he would feel alive. Tonight…tonight was the last time he was going to feel the pain of losing his only reason for living.

So he remembered giving the Arkenstone away and the feeling when he lost Thorin for the first time, when he told Bilbo he no longer loved him. Then, for the second time when he lost him to death. He remembered the times when he heard a knock at the door hoping that Balin, or Fili and Kili, or, his first friend of the company, Bofur would be there to greet him. That anyone had come to him to tell him that is was time to come home. Every time it was disappointment that he couldn't show and pain that he wasn't allowed to feel in front of his friends.

During his travels with the dwarves he had always wanted to return home, Bag End. But as time passed, his journey bonded him to the loud obnoxious dwarven company. He soon realized that home is not the place in the ground he had always loved, but with the people he loved the most. But now he would never be able to return to them, to the people who saved and cared about him as much as he did them. Thorin… Thorin had cursed him and had nearly thrown him off the side of that beloved mountain home. He banned Bilbo from his kingdom, _damn that gold sickness,_ Bilbo thought as his fists clenched and he began to think back on the day that Thorin had tried to kill him.

_Bilbo's pulse was pounding in his ears as the blood left his brain. He clawed at Thorin's arm trying to find leverage, every so often he was able to gasp in a fleeting breath. Thorin's words rang through the humid air, "You filthy hobbit, did you honestly think I would keep you? Did you think that I would understand why you gave away the one thing that signifies my rightful place as king under the mountain? You are pathetic to think that I ever loved you."_

_"Thorin!" Balin's voice called out, angry and frightened. He knew how the gold sickness caused people to act, but he never thought that it would lead Thorin to say such things to his One._

_"What Balin? Do you understand what he has done?!" Thorin shouted, not caring to look back at his advisor. His eyes were glued to the hobbit's shaking form he held in his grasp, dangling from the edge of the mountain. "I don't know why I ever trusted you in the first place. I never –"_

_"Please –" Bilbo gasped out, "please, don't say it again. I don't –I can't…" Tears flowed down Bilbo's face and over Thorin's hand. The dwarf's face just became more disgusted. "Please, just drop me." Gasps and shouts of no were heard behind Thorin, but were paid no mind. "I don't want to live anymore, not if you don't love me. So, just drop me. I can't care anymore because it will just kill me anyways."_

_The hand around Bilbo's neck tightened for a moment and Bilbo thought for a second he saw a flash of the old Thorin run across the dwarf's face. It was gone in an instant, and that same hand loosened just a bit until–_

_"Don't you dare harm my hobbit Thorin Oakenshield!" a thunderous voice rose up to meet the company. "You will have my wrath to deal with if any harm comes to him."_

_"You don't understand what he has done Gandalf! He stole from me what is irreplaceable!"_

_"No you don't understand Thorin! Put him down!"_

_Thorin stared into the eyes of the hobbit, glaring at the tears that shone in his eyes. He threw the creature backwards onto the balcony. Bilbo scrambled to get away from Thorin, crying as he ran. Through the mountain and out to where Gandalf stood, he ran into the wizard sobbing quietly into his stomach._

_"You will regret what you have done this day Thorin. Though you may not know it now, you will regret your decision."_

_Thorin just laughed, not a happy laugh but one full of mirth, "How can I regret a decision that is so obviously right?"_

_With that he returned to his kingdom, leaving behind a weeping hobbit and a furious wizard. Gandalf looked down at the tiny creature, such pitiful sobs pouring from his mouth; he couldn't help but want to cry along with him._

_"I am so sorry Bilbo, had I known that something like this would have happened when Thorin became king, I would have never asked you to come on this quest."_

_Bilbo just shook his head, "I'm glad I came," he whispered. "If I had stayed behind I would have never been truly who I was meant to be. This journey changed me for the better. And even… even though Thorin says he doesn't love me I can't help but feel happy that I found a place where it feels like home. Even if I can't be here anymore…"_

Bilbo's face shone with tears at the memory. He lay on his side in his bed, feeling numb to the world he reached out for the poisonous mushroom on his bedside table. This was finally it; he would be able to leave the pain he felt behind.

Before he took the mushroom in hand, there was a loud knock at his door.

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**All right guys, that's it for this chapter! Please R&R I love to get thoughts or comments, even suggestions on how you think the story should go. Until next time,**

**Mystic**


	3. Choices

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed for last chapter! Specifically, Mad As A Bloody Hatter, BlackHreat, Tob,i Violentchick2011, animegirl4321, (and Brezel for the first chapter)! I'm sure you could care less about disclaimers, and I'm sure that if I owned the Hobbit the third movie would be out by now! Anyways, on to the story...**

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Chapter 3: Choices

Bilbo sighed and rose from his bed, trudging through his bedroom and onto the veranda. He hesitated before opening the door, _Why would anyone come here at this hour of the night? The last time anyone had come this late to his home had been the first time he met his companions. What if it was…? _At that point he was done with hoping that someone would return for him. After he was done shooing away this person, whoever they were, he was going back into his bedroom and finishing what he started. He swung the door open for the last time. His grumbling cut off as he stared at the person, scratch that, dwarf in front of him and gaped, not being able to say a word.

Balin looked at the troubled hobbit, "Good ev'ning Master Baggins."

Bilbo, still too shocked to respond, just stood there unable to comprehend what was happening. Balin sighed and ushered the hobbit into the sitting room, hoping some movement would bring him back to reality. Bilbo moved dumbly through the house and asked suddenly, "Would you like some tea?

Balin smiled, "That would be greatly appreciated, after such a long journey."

Bilbo put the kettle over the fire in the kitchen and walked back to the sitting room. "Now I know this may come as a shock," Bilbo started, "but I don't have any idea why you're here…"

The dwarf watched him with sad eyes, "My dear Bilbo, I know the last time you were in Erebor it did not end well. Thorin is alive – "

The kettle whistled and Bilbo jumped in surprise trying to understand what in Middle Earth was going on! He readied the tea and brought it out to Balin and sat back down. His hands shook as he tried to sip on the hot drink. His cup and saucer rattled as he set them down on the end table.

"I know this is a shock Bilbo, but you must come back with me, if you don't Thorin will die."

"Please, Balin, I know this is urgent, but Thorin doesn't care about me anymore. I mean look at what happened the first time I was in Erebor! How can I be the one that's supposed to help Thorin?"

The dwarf sighed and looked thoughtful for a moment, "I suppose for you to understand why you are needed I must start from the day Thorin was thought to have died. After the battle had finished we scoured the battlefield for the dead and found Thorin. He had deep wounds, enough so, that without the quick help of Ori and Nori, Thorin would have died. He was in critical condition for many months, in and out of consciousness. When he finally woke up fully he asked for you – "

"Did he not remember what happened?" Bilbo interrupted, then looked down, "I mean did he not remember what he said to me, how he almost killed me?"

Balin's eyes held so much sorrow and regret, "At first he did not. He asked for you every day, wondering why you left, not understanding how you could leave him."

Bilbo gasped, and his heart felt like it was going to break again.

"I didn't… none of us had the heart to tell Thorin that the Gold Sickness got the better of him. Then one day he just remembered. That day was the one and only day that I had ever seen Thorin weep. Not only weeping, but wailing and angry, he didn't wear his robes that day. He lay kneeling face down on the floor for hours before someone went into his chambers and moved him back to his bed. He had passed out from exhaustion and grief."

Bilbo's eyes shone with hope as he continued to listen to Balin's tale. "But what happened after? Why does Thorin need me?"

"A few months ago Thorin started showing signs of fading. Dwarves only love once in a lifetime, without their One they begin to fade. I know it may seem hard to understand but dwarves were created by the stone and once they no longer have their purpose, their One, they fade back into the stone that once created them." Bilbo opened his mouth to interrupt, but Balin beat him to it. "I know Thorin told you he didn't love you. But if there is one thing I know about Thorin Oakenshield is that he loves you Bilbo Baggins. He is one of the most stubborn dwarves I have ever met, and I know for sure that he would have never said he loved you if he didn't mean it."

"But – "

"No buts Master Baggins, the reason I came here is to ask you to come back to Erebor. To save our king from fading. He believes he has completely lost your love and you are the only one who can help him. You don't have to forgive him right away, but you just being there will help him recover."

Bilbo couldn't speak. He was caught in a rush of emotions; all of this was too much to take in at once. Balin saw the emotions flicker across Bilbo's face and couldn't imagine what the hobbit must be going through. To hear all of this after living through four years of nothing.

"It's quite all right if you don't have an answer for me right now, laddie. I just wanted to tell you in case you still cared for Thorin like you used to. I'll be staying at the Prancing Pony for the next few days, in Bree. If you so choose to come with me, I will be in room twelve."

Balin stood, setting his cup and saucer on the side table, patted Bilbo on the shoulder and walked out of Bag End. As the door shut with a click Bilbo broke out of his stupor and sucked in a sobbing breath. He stumbled out of the sitting room and back to his bedroom, falling limply onto his mattress. It was there that he finally gave into the weight of everything that Balin had said. Sobs shook his tiny form as he thought over what had just happened. Could he just leave Thorin to his fate?

He still had a difficult time believing that Thorin could mourn so heavily for anything, especially him. His breathing evened out and he fell into a restless sleep, unable to escape the dreams that flooded his mind.

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**All right everybody that it for this chapter T.T but i hope to get the next chapter up within the week just like this one. Please R&R! It makes me want to write faster for you! Until next time,**

**Mystic**


	4. Choices Part 2

Chapter 4: Choices Part 2

Bilbo woke up and ran his hand through his hair. Could he leave Thorin to die, knowing it would be his fault this time? Once was enough to almost make Bilbo kill himself in grief, would he be able to make it through a lifetime without his love? He knew there was a chance that Thorin still loved him, Balin had said so, but was it enough to risk the heartbreak? Was it enough to make a journey that would almost kill him and then be crushed by the dwarf?

Yes, it was. Even if Thorin were to reject him, even if he died of heart break, he would die knowing that he did all he could for his one and only purpose. With that, Bilbo rose from him bed, got ready and packed all the necessities he would need for the long trip back to Erebor. (And this time he did not forget his handkerchief.) He walked out of Bag End for the last time and memories came flooding back. The first time Gandalf had come with his fireworks and wizzpoppers; the amazement that showed on the tiny hobbit's face the entire night was one that brought joy to those around.

Then another time, when he was still young, he tripped coming up the steps still trying to get used to his overly large feet, and scraped his shin and sprained his wrist. His mother had been there for him, to pick him up and get him bandaged. Oh, how he missed her. More recently, when Gandalf came a second time to call him on a journey that changed his life in all the good ways and the bad. Bilbo remembered the day he returned from Erebor, from his family, from the place he thought was going to be home. He had collapsed on the steps, unable to actually make it into his house before he broke down in tears. He wailed and wept in grief. If any hobbit had passed him they would understand his pain, because his wails were that of a hobbit that had lost their love, their reason for living. Silent tears trailed down his face as the ache from his chest became more prominent. It was a half a day's journey to Bree and Bilbo would make it there just before afternoon tea.

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Bilbo looked upon the gate into Bree, having crossed the lake by Huckleberry Ferry and arriving around noon. He knocked three times and was greeted by the gatekeeper.

"State your name and business," a gruff voice came from the lower door.

"Bilbo Baggins. I am here for a meeting in the Prancing Pony."

The man opened the door, "Move along."

Bilbo scurried through the large gate and head towards to inn. The stairs seemed endless as he walked through the hallway; he wanted to get moving, get back to Thorin. Then, the number twelve on the door in front of him shone brightly and he knocked.

The door swung wide and Balin looked on Bilbo's face, shocked to see him. Then looked like he was very nearly about to cry, "Thank you laddie." He enveloped Bilbo in a hug. "Thank you so much for coming."

When he was let go he replied, "Well I couldn't leave him. As much doubt as there is in my mind about Thorin being different; I can't leave him to die knowing that it's my fault."

"That is good enough for me, laddie, that is good enough." He ushered the hobbit into his room, "Come on in. I wasn't expecting you so soon or I would have packed. By the look on your face last night would have thought that you'd be a few days in your decision."

"This morning I had a feeling, I knew that you were telling the truth. That look in your eyes when you said Thorin might die was something I never wanted to be cause of."

"All right then, just give me a few minutes to pack up and we'll buy some ponies and be on our way."

They were off in a matter of hours. This journey would not be as dangerous, they wouldn't run into trolls, or goblins or orcs. There would be no fighting for their lives as they crossed the country side, just a long restful journey. Balin turned towards Bilbo after a few hours, he had been quiet and thoughtful the whole time they had been on the road.

"What are you thinking about, laddie?"

Bilbo blinked, shocked from his thoughts, "I'm just wondering what's going to happen when we get there."

"I wouldn't worry too much about Thorin, Bilbo. There are just some things that you can feel in your gut, and Thorin's feelings for you are one of them. I have no doubt that when we get there Thorin will be close to tears."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. When Thorin loves, he loves with his whole heart, even if the gold sickness made him forget that for a time, he could have never lived for long if you had died, or left. He would have never been able to have a fulfilling life without his One."

Bilbo smiled sadly, "I understand, hobbits have similar types of things, but we don't have name for them. I assume all magical creatures do. Humans are known for brothels and divorce and unclean love. To me it is one of the most precious things, which is why I am terrified of the Gold Sickness taking Thorin away from me. I never want that to happen again."

Balin could only shake his head, he couldn't understand what it felt like for Bilbo but he knew it must be painful. For dwarves it was like having a piece of your soul ripped out.

"Don't worry too much, he will be overjoyed to know that you still love him."

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**Sorry that was short, but college starts on Monday and I just moved in to the dorms! Not a lot of time to write, unfortunately. The next chapter will try to be longer! Until next time,**

**Mystic**


	5. Returning

**A/N: Thank you everyone for reviewing! Every one helps! This one is a bit more sexually graphic along with the next one. I hope to put up another chapter within the week but I can't be sure... Anyways on to the story!**

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Chapter 5: Returning

Time passed quickly for the hobbit and his dwarf companion. They arrived at the gates of Erebor without any trouble. Well other than the occasional lone wolf trying to raid their encampment. Bilbo looked upon the gates with wide eyes; he had forgotten how magnificent they were. Trembling slightly he turned to Balin, the dwarf nodded encouragingly. He turned back to the doors and pushed one aside, entering the large hall.

Balin urged Bilbo to follow him through another set of doors at the end of the hall. Once they opened Bilbo saw an extravagantly decorate room with a stone chair in the center. Someone was speaking in a quiet voice to whoever was in front of the chair. The voice excused them, and for the first time in four years Bilbo looked upon the person he loved. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, his heart essentially stuttered to a stop.

Thorin looked up when he heard a throat being cleared. Bilbo couldn't take it anymore and ran towards him, as did Thorin and they met in an embrace that was more loving and heart wrenching than anyone in the throne room could remember having seen.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry," a voice thick with emotion whispered into a pointed ear. "I should have never thrown you away; I should have never let the gold sickness get the better of me. You are my world, my everything."

Thorin pulled back to look into Bilbo's eyes. "Without you I am nothing. I can't believe I was ever idiotic enough to say that I didn't love you. You are my One. I love you Bilbo Baggins."

At that point Bilbo was practically sobbing into Thorin's robes. "I l-love you, t-too. I love y-you so m-much Thorin. Don't ever leave me again, please, never again."

"I promise I will never leave you."

Bilbo pulled back and wiped his eyes trying to calm his breathing and get a hold of himself. "S-sorry, I got you clothes all wet," he said with a watery smile.

Thorin just chuckled, "it's not important now that I have you back in my arms. Let us go back to my quarters and we will find something suitable for you to wear. After such a long journey you must wish to be clean." Bilbo nodded and Thorin smiled, "Then I shall call for a bath to be drawn, would you like anything to eat while you're waiting?"

Just then the hobbits stomach rumbled and he blushed brightly.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'll get the servants to bring you something you'll like."

By then they had reached the chamber Bilbo once called his own. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, _Would Thorin come with me? Of course not, he doesn't have time to waste in the bath with you, he has more important kingly duties. But we haven't seen each other in so long he must be yearning for something. Do not ask him, it's not your place you are just a commoner he is royalty._

While Bilbo was have his internal battle, Thorin had already gotten the servants to draw him a bath and food brought to the table in the corner. "Umm… Bilbo?"

No reply.

"Bilbo!"

Still no reply. Maybe he was in shock? Then Bilbo felt something soft and warm on his lips and his eyes widened realizing that Thorin was kissing him. He gasped in surprise and Thorin took that moment to gently caress Bilbo's tongue with his own. The hobbit moaned and wrapped him arms around the dwarf's neck. They pulled apart all too quickly for Bilbo's liking and he whined in disappointment.

Thorin chuckled, "Come now Bilbo, we have to get you cleaned and ready for supper." There was a mischievous glint in Thorin's eyes as he walked towards the bath. Poor Bilbo stood frozen for a moment still in shock about the kiss they just shared before rushing into the bathroom after Thorin to see the dwarf lower himself into the tub, his muscles moving under his skin. Suddenly it was too hot; Bilbo all but ripped his clothes off his body and dove in after Thorin, sitting in between the dwarf's legs.

Thorin wrapped his arms around Bilbo's waist and brought Bilbo flush against him. He lathered his hands with the bar of soap and set it on the lip of the tub. The dwarf began massaging Bilbo's shoulders, working out all the kinks in his tiny body. He gave a small moan when Thorin hit a particularly tender spot, letting his eyes fall closed and his head drop forward. Thorin's hands moved lower massaging down his back, then moved to the front, sliding up a slightly rounder stomach than he remembered and rubbed the hobbit's chest, purposefully missing his nipples with each pass over it.

Bilbo whimpered, begging for Thorin to touch him. His member had grown hard and he could feel Thorin's hardness rubbing against his back. Bilbo pushed backward causing a groan of pleasure to come from the dwarf, which finally made one of the large hands twist and pinch his sensitive nub. The other reached down and began to pump slowly, teasingly at his erection.

"I love you." Thorin whispered in his ear and twist his hand. Bilbo cried out and came into the water. The dwarf nuzzled into his neck, giving it a final kiss and got out of cooling water in the tub. Bilbo groaned at the loss of warmth, but it returned quickly also dragging him from the water and drying him off with a large fluffy towel. Bilbo looked at Thorin noticing that he never came and moved his hand across the hairy chest, but the dwarf stopped him.

"But you didn't – "

"Being with you right now, it is enough." Thorin smiled and Bilbo's heart raced.

They moved back into the bedroom and Bilbo reluctantly put on night clothes and crawled into bed. Thorin did the same and enclosed Bilbo in strong arms, as he had done so many years ago.

The Shireling sighed in contentment, "Don't let go…"

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**And that's all for now folks! Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW! Until next time,**

**Mystic**


	6. Wishful Dreaming

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews! I'm so excited to present another chapter. I'm also thinking about making sequel after the next chapter, please tell me what y'all think, k? Anyways on to the story...**

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Chapter 6: Wishful Dreaming

Bilbo woke to hear crackling and the scraping of a spatula on a pan. He slowly opened his eyes realizing that it was Balin making breakfast. He couldn't believe it; how had that dream had been fake. He felt Thorin's hands, been in his arms! Bilbo sighed sadly, _I hope Thorin does receive me that way… _

Balin looked up when he heard a sigh from the bedroll beside the fire. "Ah, master Baggins, it is nice to see that you have finally awoken. You seemed like you were having a tough night so I let you sleep for a while longer than I should have. Was just about to wake you."

Bilbo blushed at the memories from his dream; he can't believe Balin heard him, how embarrassing!

"I hope I wasn't too much of a disturbance…" Bilbo trailed off and cleared his throat.

"Not at all," Balin smiled at the obviously disgruntled hobbit. "You should eat quickly we only have a about a day's travel until we reach Lake town. We should be able to see Bard and his family while we are there also."

"It will be good to see them again after so long."

Bilbo finished eating and packed up his bedroll along with whatever belongings he took out the night before. Once he was finished he nodded to Balin and they were off on the road again. Balin had told him that after the Battle of Five Armies their relationship with the Woodland elves was better than ever. The trade had started flowing again and even if Thorin hadn't wanted to continue his kingly duties Balin had convinced him to, so long as he at least went to see if Bilbo would come back to Erebor. It was odd to think that Thorin would stop being king because of him. He fought a dragon to get his home back and be king of it for heaven's sake. Though, Bilbo could see how it would be hard for him to do anything if he felt even half of what Bilbo felt during their years apart.

They were currently traveling through the Greenwood, renamed after the presence that was tainting the forest was defeated. The hobbit was very relieved that he didn't have to go through the same experience that he had before. The air was clear, the trees, brush and grass were all a lush green, hence the name.

"Balin, have you ever had a, um… what is the proper term again?"

"We call them our Ones most beloved."

"Thank you," he started his question again, "have you ever had a One? I mean you don't have to tell me if you so choose. I wouldn't want you to feel put out because of me."

Balin sat quietly for a long while, then spoke suddenly, "Yes I did once."

Bilbo waited silently for him to continue.

"She… she was beautiful. In a dwarven way, of course. Stout and strong willed, with light brown hair pulled back into braided buns. She was a warrior like no other. She even rivaled Dwalin at times. Her eye burned with a passion for whatever she did, especially when we fought against people or anything that tried to get into Erebor unwarranted."

The hobbit marveled at the portrait that was painted before him, Balin was truly a great story teller.

"There was a time when we wanted children. I wanted to have a child to carry on my name, whether it be a boy or a girl, they would have been my life, just as my Kylia. But one day, when we were fighting back a group of orcs that had gotten past the front lines, we fought and won, but one got away. She yelled to the group saying she was going after it. I waited for only thirty minutes before I want after her, I couldn't find her, that was when I heard a bone chilling scream come from my left and I bolted in that direction. The entire time hoping I wasn't too late.

"When I found her she was covered in blood, the orc dead beside her, but she was not unharmed. There was wound in her stomach deep enough to make her bleed profusely, if I hadn't found her she would have surely died. We found out months later, when we were trying for a child, that she couldn't carry due to the wound that was inflicted that day."

"I'm so sorry, Balin. I never knew."

"It's okay, laddie it's not your fault. We knew what we were getting into. The risks that came along with being in the army. I just wish that I would have gotten more time with her. It wasn't long after we found out that we couldn't have children that Smaug attacked the mountain. I was with Thorin, as you know, but Kylia was with the army in the entrance hall. The doors… when Smaug came crashing in none of them survived. That is why I wanted to stop Thorin the day he tried to throw you off the mountain. Not only would we lose you Bilbo, but I knew the pain it would case Thorin the end, if he did not die from madness first."

"I understand, I just wish that Thorin didn't almost have to die to come to his senses. I wish I could have been enough."

"Me too, laddie, me too."

The rest of the journey through the greenwood was comfortably quiet and contemplative for Bilbo. He wanted to ask more questions, but he couldn't bring himself to put Balin through the pain of recalling his lost love. Bilbo knew all too well how it felt and he would never wish it upon his worst enemies. They reached the dock to cross the lake by supper and got situated in an in by nightfall.

Bilbo couldn't make himself fall asleep. No matter how many times he tried to get comfortable, turning on his overly large bed and finally decided he should go for a walk to calm his nerves.

He stepped onto the wooden planks outside the Inn, wondering if their creaking meant something bad. Assuming it was the way it had always been he started walking down the endless docks, lost in thought.

_What is he going to do when I get there? I wonder if he will treat me the same as he did in my dream. _Bilbo felt his body heat up and felt his cock stirring. _Would he remember the way liked my ears nipped, or how sensitive the small of my back was. _ He shivered when he remembered the touches ghosting over his body for the first time. Thorin had been very gentle, preparing his properly and easing into him so that it caused almost no pain.

He reached a secluded area and pressed his back into the wall. His hand slipped down his body and grasped his erection. He moaned quietly, imagining it was Thorin. His large hand tweaking his nipple, while slowly pumping his hand. Bilbo whimpered, bucking into his hand. He sped up his movements slightly and added a twist when he pulled up. The hobbit's cheeks were flushed and his breathing shallow. He could almost hear Thorin panting along with his, telling him it was time to let go. Bilbo gave in final tug and came with a muffled cry of Thorin's name.

Bilbo's eyes drooped wearily, he washed his hand off in the water that surrounded him. Embarrassment at what had just happened crept through him. What if someone had seen? It would have been too mortifying for the hobbit; he would have had to drown himself in the lake. Luckily no one had seen, therefore, Bilbo could creep back into the room he shared with Balin without dying of humiliation. Once in his bed he felt his eyelids fall shut. Tonight he dreamed.

* * *

**Well that's it for now remember to REVIEW and tell me what you think about a sequel and maybe give me some ideas on what you want to be in the sequel so I can try to incorporate them! Until next time,****  
**

**Mystic**


	7. Meet and Greet

Chapter 7: Meet and Greet

The next morning Bilbo was jittery, excited to get going. He bounced around the room grabbing his things. His feet tapped impatiently as he waited for Balin to finish his packing, too. When the dwarf finally turned to him and nodded to the door Bilbo gave a happy sigh. He tried to not race through the halls to get outside faster.

Balin gave the excited hobbit a sideways glance, "Bilbo, calm down." He chuckled, "I know you're anxious to see everyone, and we will get there in a few hours so you don't wear yourself out before we arrive."

"But Balin," he whined, "I can't. I haven't seen Thorin in forever!" _And if my dreams come true that's even more reason to be excited…_ "What should I say when I see him? Is there anything specific I should do? After all, he is a king now. Do I have to bow? What happens–"

"Calm down, Bilbo, there is no reason for you to do anything when you see Thorin. Let him come to you. Let him apologize. You haven't done anything wrong and you weren't the one to push him away in the first place. He is king, but that doesn't mean any of us treat him any differently. After all we have been through together he asked us not to treat him differently."

"Okay, all right, I can do that." Bilbo took a deep breath and tried to steady his heart rate.

"Good, Bard's house is just up here."

Their visit was brief, but well enjoyed as they learned what the others had been doing the past four years. Bard said that his eldest daughter was to be wed to a wealthy merchant, and that he himself had become richer due to trade with the dwarven kingdom. After the town had been rebuilt Bard got a new boat, and a new house honoring him as the one who defeated the great and powerful Smaug.

Bilbo didn't speak much, he liked listening to everybody else talk about their lives. He would prefer not to retell the dismal four years he had gone through. After a while their conversation ended and the pair were on their way again. Balin saw that Bilbo was getting restless and excused them with ease. The butterflies in the hobbit's stomach wouldn't go away. Even through their entire visit with Bard. He placed his hands over his stomach, trying to push back the nervousness.

It was only time before they would come upon the mountain; they could see the top peeking through the trees above. Balin gave Bilbo a side glance, sensing the anxiety coming from the tiny creature. When they reached the meadow that lay before the mountain, Bilbo could hardly keep himself from running. His heart swelled as he looked upon the mountain home. He felt… whole. Like he had waited for the part of his heart that had been empty to be filled again. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as the emotions he had long forgotten came rushing back.

"Are you all right, laddie?"

"Yes, yes," Bilbo said, hurriedly brushing away the tears, "just feel like I belong again."

Balin smile sadly, "That is good to hear. We should be able to see Thorin as soon as we arrive, you are the one he needs the most."

There was no delay once they reached the gates; Bilbo and Balin were swept away to Thorin's room immediately. They were greeted by eleven familiar, albeit worried, faces.

"Bilbo!" Bofur shouted excitedly, "Weren't sure if you're goin' to come back, after, ya know," he whispered, "what happened the last time…"

The hobbit chuckled, "I wasn't sure either, but I love him and I couldn't just sit around knowing he was going to die."

Bofur smiled along with the others. "Well go on then. We'll wait for ya out here."

Bilbo took a deep breath and walked through the heavy door. Inside it was exactly the same as he remembered. Fur rugs covered the floor with deep reds as accents to the room and on the bed – on the bed there sat a dwarven woman. She was blocking his view from seeing Thorin. He held the door open, having yet to make a sound.

"I love you Thorin," the female said, "forget the hobbit. He has only brought you pain, and now you are fading because he is not here. There are too many people depending on you. You cannot die. It has been too long that you mourn for him."

"You know what it is like, how can you tell me to just forget?!"

"Because he is not coming back. If he was he would have been here already!"

"How do you know that? Maybe they got delayed, or Balin–"

"Do you think that someone who loved you so much would leave you waiting for so long? I love you Thorin that I know, and life would be so much harder with you gone. Perhaps it is time for you to move on."

"Maybe it is time."

The female kissed Thorin on the forehead and made to get up, when they heard a gasping sob behind them. Thorin's eyes grew wide as he gazed upon the one thing that had haunted him from the moment he woke up. "Bilbo?"

The hobbit just shook his head, turned on his heel and ran.

"Wait!" Thorin struggled to release himself from his sheets. "Bilbo! Come back!" When he was finally on his feet Bilbo was far from his grasp. He rushed out the door and into the hall. "Where is Bilbo?!" Thorin frantically asked the twelve shocked faces.

"He ran towards the mines." Oin spoke softly from the back.

"What happened?" Balin questioned.

"I've got to find him, he thinks, he doesn't understand – I'll explain later." And with that he sprinted after Bilbo. The mines were dangerous. They hadn't been fully reconstructed in some areas, and the way that Bilbo headed just happened to be one of the more dangerous places.

The caverns echoed with every step Thorin took. The further in he went, the darker it became. Soon, there was nothing but darkness and his hand on the wall to guide him. He stopped, sighing dejectedly, _Why would he run away? _Thorin wondered.

That's when he heard it, a muffled sobbing coming from ahead of him. Slowly he walked forward. Just as he was about to find out exactly where it was coming from he tripped and stumbled forward. The noise stopped abruptly and timid voice called out.

"Who's there?"

"Thank goodness, Bilbo please come back with me. You have no idea how much I have missed you."

"No! Why should I when you're just going to forget about me again!?" His voice was becoming more distant and there were footsteps sounding in the background.

"No I won't! Bilbo please, I love you and only you. There is so much more we need to discuss, so much I need to apologize for."

"Why would you want me to come back when you have that dwarven woman waiting for you?"

"Are you talking about Dis?"

"Yes, the woman on the bed, that one that was trying to convince you to forget about me again! To make you not love me anymore. If that's how it is… if you want me to leave again, just say so because I will. Every time no matter what, I would do anything for you, Thorin."

Bilbo's voice was so broken, his heart so fragile. Thorin's eyes started to burn with shame and unshed tears. He had caused this; he had caused a wonderful, gentle creature to become self-destructive and emotionally unstable.

"Oh Bilbo," Thorin tried to reach out to him, but when Bilbo felt a hand on his shoulder he backed away.

"Don't touch me! Don't tell me you love me when you don't! And please," his voice trembled, "please just don't say anything, because I don't think I can handle anymore lies. Don't hold me and make love to me and say you care about me. Don't try to kiss me and tell me we'll be together. Then tell me you never loved me!"

"Please Bilbo, come back with me. I'll explain everything when we're safe out of the mines."

"Give me one good reason why I should return with you!"

"Because I love you! " Bilbo stayed silent for a long while, gasping in breaths and sniffling quietly.

"It's just not good enough," he finally said. The pitter patter of pf footsteps told Thorin that the hobbit was gone. He fell to his knees, alone in the dark, unable to comprehend why this happened. He just got him back, he was not going to give up so easily.


	8. Author's Note

All right you guys, that's it for this part of the story! I promise that I will be making a sequel as soon as I can, but it probably won't be out for another couple of months. Thank You so much for reading and tell me what you'd like to see in the sequel!

Until next time,

Mystic


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